Assignment for March 14, 2007
Think of something that has made you angry enough to write a letter that would hopefully change whatever is wrong.
For example, if ABC has just aired your favorite movie, but made a lot of cuts that pretty much ruined it, you should write to the president of ABC and speak your mind. Or if you bought a bag of chips that was advertised “so hot, your eyes will tear up” and yet it was as mild as oatmeal, write to Nabisco and let then know what is wrong with their product. You can write a letter about almost anything these days; the newspaper you read, the clothes you buy, the roads you drive on, the music the radio DJs pick to play most often, a software program
BUT DON’T JUST COMPLAIN – write persuasively to try and get whoever is responsible to change their ways.
And now – for all you reality show fans – here’s the twist: You must write in the voice of Holden Caulfield.
Your letter should be one full page in length, in regular business letter format. The paragraphs should have single spaced lines, but with a double space between each paragraph (like this document).
Use this worksheet to write your letter – you can do the worksheet before or after the letter, but make sure it is filled out.
Letter of Complaint
Organizational worksheet
I am going to complain about
This is a (circle one):
- Product
- Service
- Political issue
- Other
What is wrong with this thing or idea?
What would make this right?
What are THREE good reasons that would motivate the person to whom you’re writing to make these changes?
1.
2.
3.
3 comments:
Ben Evans
123 Fake Street
3-15-07
Terry Haley
Bridges Academy
Dear Terry,
This goddamn assignment is hard as hell. It really is. The assignment is to write a letter complaining about any damn thing we want, but that’s the whole freaking problem. I really just don’t have anything I can complain about. For the most part, I’m pretty goddamn happy. I can’t think of anything I can complain about. I just can’t. Another bad part of this damn assignment is having to write from the point of view of that crummy bastard Holden Caulfield. God, he’s an ass. I’m getting really goddamn tired of saying “Goddamn” all the Goddamn time. It’s pretty freaking depressing, to tell you the truth. He’s such a PHONY.
I think this assignment really would be a hell of a lot better if we discussed it instead of writing about it. Really, it would. The problem with people is they never want to DISCUSS anything. That’s the whole goddamn problem. If people just freaking discussed more things, then they’d be a lot less PHONY. I mean, seriously. People ACT nice as hell when they talk to each other, but it’s a phony, depressing kind of nice. Anyway, I think that if everyone in the damn room was talking, they could add things to each other’s complaints, and it would be a lot more goddamn interesting.
So, yeah, I really think this goddamn assignment would be a lot more interesting without all this writing crap. I’m not really expecting you to listen. Nobody ever listens. Just think about it.
-Ben Evans
Hugo Black
1600 Pennsylvania Avenue
February 29, 2078
Hypothetical Executive
10000000000000 Evil Street, Barrow, Alaska
Dear, Hypothetical Executive
You are in are in a position of authority in the hierarchy that is the hypothetical flavor company. As a consequence of this authority you are in the position to regulate the products your company produces. However you have failed to complete this task in a objective and intelligent manor. You see Mr. Executive your competence must be called into question, while the flavor grape is still in existence!
The flavor grape is despised by not only the extremely intelligent person that is I Hugo Black, but by billions and billions of people world wide. In fact the notorious and powerful evil and classified society known as humans of a better world has an official hatred for the flavor.
The solution to your crises in simple, you must abolish the ultra odious flavor know as grape. If you fail to do so within 24 hours a massive boycott shall take place. This boycott shall destroy your company both figuratively and literally. In addition to this various lawsuits shall occur for various reasons.
If you encounter any resistance within your company then the resistors must be terminated at all costs. I personally recommend replacing the evil flavor with a more tolerable flavor. However this endeavor is optional. You know what you must do, good luck.
Hate,
Hugo Black
Holden Caulfield (Jordan Barlam)
1684 Hollywood Blvd
Hollywood, CA 90049
3/14/07
Fox Studios
1098 Pico Blvd.
Los Angeles, CA 90035
Dear Television Bigwigs,
I watch television whenever I get the chance. It is actually one of the few things that seems to be a consistent good. It was only by accident that I noticed an infectious evil that had infiltrated your channels. The scary part is, it has been around for as long as I can remember. I noticed it when I saw the same fatburger commercial three times in a row. In the past, I haven’t given commercials that much mind but now, they have crossed a line.
I want you to get rid of commercials. They have infected my best programs, slicing up my favorite shows like swiss cheese. I respect that some moments need a dramatic buildup but you went and overdone it so that I no longer care by the time that my program starts again. To make it even worse, you put advertisements for the show that I’m already watching in the middle of a commercial break. If I’m already watching the show, why would you still need to advertise it.
Also, you have even shoved commercials into the television shows. I can recognize an advertisement when I see it and if it isn’t a goddamn commercial when the man character, out of nowhere, pulls out a pack of MnMs, I must be the queen of England. You have turned yourselves and all of my favorite characters into phonies, doing things just because another giant corporation paid you to make them do it.
I suggest that you sign up to get paid federal funding. If you are, you should be paid more. Enough so that you don’t have to use commercials to tell me something that you don’t believe like the rest of the goddamn phonies I put up with. Besides, less commercials means more viewers means more funding. I think that you could shove it to all of those other goddamn corporation bigwigs and make billions of people happy, all at the same time.
With my regards,
Holden Caulfield
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